I'm just sitting here... reading stuff on the computer... minding my own business...
Then Heidi walks over like she's heading towards the bathroom. She stops in front of me, squats down in a slow, quiet, slightly unnerving way... Then she wispers, "The world is made of Widdlie Wee," and proceeds to head to the bathroom.
<3 ... Roommates!
I accidentally sent my co-workers porn today... woops
Edit: Ok, let me clear that up because it sounds really bad...
Someone sent porn to alumni services through a link that they submitted to the alumni accolades and notes form. I sort through these messages every morning and send them to the appropriate people. I didn't look at the link that was attached before I forwarded it to everyone... I did not go to a porn site and send it to my co-workers... There, all better.
February hits tomorrow... wait... no, Thursday. YES! I have one more day to clean my room! anyways... February hits two days from now. In no other month do I feel quite as icky and hopeless. Oh well... at least I'm too busy to pay too much attention to my icky hopelessness... 3 senior level studios in my major... who needs someone to spend Valentine's day with. Just another work day... bah humbug... pathetic... blah
Ok, convincing myself that all this is ok:
I stopped dating for a reason... pause b/c T and A are distracting me...
I stopped dating because I was doing waaaaaaayyy too much of it and I needed to focus. I need to focus now more than ever. That's what I'll tell myself now... Then when I graduate, I'll come up with a new story.
I can't think to make this post... my mind won't stay on one topic.
I'm looking through one of my professor's designs. I see great concepts, great thinking and research, and design that pushes the limits and truly involves the viewer. I don't know if it's just me getting nervous about graduation or what... but I'm realizing just how unsatisfied I am with my work. I feel that I have cheated myself out of learning the things I came here to learn. My work feels obvious and ineffective. I know I'm just a snot-nosed-kid fresh out of college and that I'm not supposed to know it all and be amazing quite yet. I know that things will come with experience. But I'm not where I want to be. My work lacks thinking in pretty much every area. I feel like I've blocked myself somehow. I don't know how to get around it though. I looked at it as a meal ticket. I couldn't cut it as a painting major. So I go for design, thinking that I could make shallow artwork and get a sure thing paycheck. How lame... As soon as I got into design my intro teacher ended the quarter by telling me that my heart wasn't into design. Here I am... one quarter before portfolio... and now I get it. Man I'm slow.
I'm a girl that's good at a whole bunch of things. I've got my foot in the door of every club. I just don't seem to excel at any of it.
Ok... is this just cold feet before graduation? Is this a legitimate concern? Is it a little bit of both? Am I just being a silly girl who needs to shut up and enjoy what life I have instead of worrying about things?
I'm not satisfied with myself. But, then again... I don't think I'm supposed to be. If I ever became satisfied with myself and my work... then I would just be an overconfident prick that has nothing left to reach for.
Flash Dance... stripping welding ballerina wannabes!
well... someone is extremely emotional for no good reason other than the upcoming holiday. I keep watching romance movies... Then I get pissed. I keep looking at guys that I might be mildly interested in... then I see their girlfriend or felmale friends come into the picture... then I get pissed.
Singles awareness day/month sucks...
back to Pride and Prejudice
Ben: women suck
Me: lol k
Ben: you're a lady
Ben: so you're excluded
ha... glad that a completely non-dateable guy friend thinks so highly of me...
I went to get my nails done with my grandmother today. Afterwards we went to Buffalos for lunch. We had a waitor that is beginning to recognise us. He chatted with us for a while throughout the meal. Grandma and I engaged in a paper football game across the table while we waited for our food. The game ended when the football escaped under the table after being bounced off grandma's neck. After Buffalos, grandma and I walked back to our cars. While walking, she screamed for me to Stop! and she grabbed my arm like I was about to walk in front of traffic. When I looked around to see absolutely no moving cars, I looked at her to find her pointing down to the pavement at where the word stop was painted for parking lot traffic control. She laughed and laughed at me. When she was done laughing at me, we made plans to go Starbucksing tomorrow at 1. I love my Grandma :)
When I was at work, a guy got very upset with a couple who was picking on me behind my back. He said that the things that they were saying about me hurt him... Now that's sensitive. Nice to know that a random stranger would be that sympathetic and protective over another random stranger. I still have no clue what the couple said about me, and what I don't know in this case, won't hurt me. Plus they tipped me a dollar and some change, so they couldn't have been too displeased with their service.
Schedule for the rest of the week:
Wednesday- meet grandma at starbucks at 1
Wednesday- work 3 to close
Thursday - work 3 to close
Friday- work 12 to 5
Friday- go to Jill's birthday dinner at 6
Saturday - head to Savannah around 10 and start my last winter quarter at scad
5 years of college almost done! One year of saving money like crazy coming up! Then I get my own house and my own life!!! I can almost taste it!
Ok... so after a month of working at the Marble Slab Creamery (icecream shop) I have decided that the most heavenly mixture of icecream is half rum flavor, half rasberry flavor, and one scoop of fresh rasberries. Oh my goodness golly gee! I've never tasted anything so wonderful!
Ok... now that the gushing is over... I gotta go to bed. I wanna fall asleep to the rain outside and I'm afraid it's going to stop as soon as I lay down.
Random bit of news before I go: My grandmother and I have become best buddies over this winter break. We are great pals and we bond over getting our nails done, going to starbucks for venti white mochas to talk about men, and going to church. I really don't think that I would mind skipping all these 20something, 30something, middle-aged levels of life to go straight to the older lady part. I think I'd fit better in that crowd anyhow.
I made $4.35 in tips last night. I always take my tips to the gas station to feed my emaciated little truck. So I go in, "$4.35 on 20 please." The gas cleark got confused somehow and asked which pump. I said 20. Then he asked how much. I said $4.35. Then the guy behind me said, "make it $5.35" and smiled at me. I've never felt so happy about a dollar in my life. That was sweet. And, after a day of being sexually harrassed by a creepy guy, then a very butch woman... that little dollar and smile washed all my heeby-jeebies away for the night.
In other news: I have pictures of my work to post, but I'm still too busy to rotate, resize, upload, and post them. I'll post them when Christmas projects are behind me. I just finished my last portrait. Now I have until Sunday night to make all my presents and wrap them. Crap crap crap!!!
My carreer horoscope for today-
While you're deciding what to wear, keep in mind that black and red really do project an aura of power -- and not just because some fashionista says so.
In other news I'm working my rear end off again. I have a job at an ice cream shop that gives me 25 to 30 hours a week. Before and after that job I'm working on my portraits. On my days off, I drive up to cumming and work odd jobs in a print shop. After work there and on the weekends that I dont work at the ice cream shop, I work on Jills mural. Mondays I still do Prison and Sundays I still do church. And in my spare time, I'm knitting a scarf and making christmas presents.
I'm bored... class needs to start now. I wanna show of my typography book. I'm proud of it! Arrg! I'm antsy. List of things to do:
Show my type stuff for the class
Walk back to the truck in the cold rain in pumps and a dress
Visit Aumni Services and get a job for next quarter
Go back to the house to eat
Tonight I will be sleepin in a place where gunshots are kind of a shocker.
Tomorrow I will be Starbucksin' with gramma!
Portrait list for this Christmas (so far):
2 Amy 8x10 Charcoal
2 Judy 8x10 Charcoal
1 Dennis 16x20 Charcoal
1 Lady from Hamilton Mills 16x20 Pastel
Other stuff to do:
Find a small job
Mural for Jill
Monday Prison Nights
Yay for projects!
I was walking to work at 7:45am and I saw a homeless man on a bench. He asked me for change but I didn't have any on me. When I was walking back from my last class (around 6pm) I saw him sitting in the same spot. I walked back to my car and dug out all the change I could find... which came to about 5 dollars. I walked back to where he was sitting and asked him if I could buy him a snack or a drink from the gas station. He asked me if I would buy him a beer. I told him no beer. He said no thanks. I walked back to my car and got about 5 dollars of gas. I'm dissappointed in the homeless. Nice.
- Music:I'm not here long enough to have music
I walked into the library, put my stuff up, and clocked in as usual. I was the first one there, so I grabbed some change, went out to get the paper, said hi to my favorite Po-Po, came back to the library, then stapled it all together... as usual. I walked back to get the books from last night to put them away... the shelves are PACKED! I take about half up to the second floor and I begin to organize them. It takes me an hour. I try to put them away, but I discover that the books on the shelves are no longer in any order to speak of. Books are on the end shelves, on top of the main shelves, outside the bookends, on the floor, and the ones that are on the shelves are all kinds of mixed up. It takes me 3 hours to put the original books up in between picking up other books, and reorganizing the shelves that I have to look at. In other words... finals.
Crazy day for the library circulation assistant... crazy day
After that, I went home and to eat food and talk to Carol Ann.
Then I decided that I wanted to try to give blood again since last time I tried, my iron was low. Turns out, I went to the place where the red cross used to be... then I went to the right red cross, but they don't take blood donations there. I would have to drive out to east bumble butt avenue to give blood. Unfortunately, I don't have the gas or money to get there... so I can't do my good deed.
Now I'm at the lab... talking to Ben about boys instead of working on my final. Poor Ben. I don't know why he listens to me. But he's fun to boy chat with. And I guess I'm good to girl chat with. So we trade. Anyways... I guess I could at least change my text to sanserif... work.
- Music:Straight Up... Paula
I am a dumb ass! I deleted my files... AGAIN! I feel as if someone was smacking me with my own hand while saying "quit hitting yourself." The only thing is, no one is there... I'm just slapping myself around with out any outside help. Stupid!
- Mood:pissed off
- Music:Chick Rock
No wonder I'm having such an issue trying to get my work done... my biorythem says that my intelligence is at a level of 4%. My physical is at a whopping level of 0% which explains why my work out dvd and my machine in the laundry room are collecting dust. My emotional level is at 97%. So when you guys ask me why I look sad or pissed, it's because I'm moody and I can't help it because that's just where my wave sits right now.
Current reason for being moody: My rear end hurts from sitting in this lab chair for too long.
- Location:The Lab
- Music:Happily Ever After by Case
I've had no sleep... and I ramble and act like a dork when I'm excessively tired. So... sorry to all of those who make the mistake of saying, "Hi, Amanda! How are you?" One class down, two to go. I thought my letterforms looked pretty good earlier... now I'm peeking over my computer screen and I see some pretty serious work coming out of my classmates. I aslo did a couple of the wrong letters. Crap... Not cool... I need to take it up a notch with my work... I'm slacking. This is my last year to get some good portfolio work. Looks like more lab all-nighters.
I do not enjoy listening to rap music in the labs. This means that when I'm in the lab, not everyone in the lab wants to listen to rap music while they work. Therefore, if YOU want to listen to rap music while YOU work in the lab, then YOU should...
BRING SOME EARPHONES!
Also, if you would like to have a party with your friends... the lab should not be the venue.
I feel the urge to blast the Statler Brothers just for competitions sake.
- Location:The lab
- Music:A group of boys yelling to some obnoxious form of percussion
Dennis, my mother's fiancee, has called me three times in the past week. He takes interest in my life. He asks how my day has been, how my friends are, how the house is, if I need anything, and he follows up on my weekly sagas. It's strange really. He doesn't whine at me about how I don't love him. He doesn't constantly beg for my forgiveness for being shitty. He doesn't whip around in the same breath of the umpteenth empty apology and tell me that it really is my fault that we don't get along. We have conversations! Real conversations! He calls me to talk about our lives! How very refreshing to have a Dennis. Yes... who needs a crappy biological father when you have a perfectly wonderful Dennis! Dennis and I don't always get along, but at least there is respect involved in all of our interactions. I don't fight with him, then think to myself, "Wow, you are a worthless piece of shit..." I might think, "Wow, you can be a real asshole sometimes" but there is a difference. Anyways, yeah... Dennis. The best mom's boyfriend ever.
Other topics of Tuesday October 10, 2006 include:
Friends Sticking Up For Eachother
Jesus H. McGillicuddy
Peacock Hair In The Morning
Kinda Fried Icecream
Army's of Cancer Patients
You just have to be part of the house to understand.
Oh... and PS: My crappy mood seems to be passing.
- Location:the house
- Music:watching Clueless with roommate commentary
All I want right now is a bottle of smirnoff or a chocolate martini (but not both) and my bed... but I have 2 more classes to get through. This day started out great... but now, I just want to wipe away my memory and go to sleep.